The John Report: The WWE Raw Deal for 03/07/11 (Stone Cold)

The WWE Raw Deal for 03/07/11 (Stone Cold)
By John Canton
Follow me on Twitter @johnreport

Live from Dallas, Texas this is the Raw Deal…

The announcers are Michael Cole and Josh Mathews. The Undertaker started the show with a promo talking about the match with Triple H at WrestleMania 27. He came out to “Ain’t No Grave” by Johnny Cash again. I guess they’re going with that song for him in his role as The Last Outlaw. His promo was using a regular voice in regular speed rather than the slow voice he uses in traditional Undertaker mode. He announced that it was a No Holds Barred match instead of a regular match. At least they don’t pretend like the GM has authority over them. They can just do what they want. Then they had a video package of him beating Shawn Michaels the last two years while saying he was perhaps the best ever. No mention of how he beat HHH at Mania 10 years ago. It was a good way to open the show with a 7 minute promo. The NHB match will allow them to have shortcuts in the match to protect Undertaker’s bad shoulder.

Speaking of Undertaker, check out my 6,000+ word piece on The Undertaker from last Thursday in case you’ve missed it. Also check out the follow up audio on the TJR YouTube channel at youtube.com/thejohnreportnet and also read my quickie column on Smackdown from Sunday. I like to shill. Back to the show!

I saw a sign that said “Push Dibiase or we riot” sign. I guess those guys are rioting?

The Nexus stable (all 3 of them) were beating on Randy Orton backstage, he tried fighting them off, but he couldn’t do it. Punk ended up hitting the GTS and told Otunga & Ryan to drag him to the ring.

Back from break, Orton was in the ring with the Nexus guys. At first Cole didn’t remember that Orton had to wrestle all the Nexus guys, so Josh added that the match was scheduled. Thanks director Kevin Dunn.

Randy Orton d. David Otunga (1/4*)
Not much of a match. Orton played dead, Otunga hit his spinebuster like finisher, Orton kicked out. Otunga, who has barely won any matches in his career, was shocked. Don’t be shocked, David. You suck. Otunga picked him up again, Orton shoved him off and hit the RKO out of nowhere to win in after 90 seconds. Good finish.

Post match, Orton disposed of Mason Ryan with a RKO rather quickly. Then CM Punk came out. Orton looked over to Otunga. Then he punted him. While he charged in for the punt, CM Punk ran around the ring to try to save Otunga. Why wouldn’t he just grab Orton’s leg? He was right there. Vintage dumb heel. So now Orton has punted Harris (who the announcers didn’t name), McGillicutty and Otunga. That makes Cena look like an idiot because he couldn’t take anybody out from Nexus for months. Are we allowed to remember that? This group sucks. Not CM Punk’s fault. The booking of the group is poor.

They showed a video of the terrible cage match from last week where Cena got Riley fired from working for Miz. Then they showed a tweet from The Miz saying he was boycotting Raw due to being an afterthought in the Rock-Cena story.

My fellow Canadian and one of my favorites, Christian, came out for a match. Alberto Del Rio’s ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez brought out ADR who came out through the ramp with Brodus Clay, who was from the last season of NXT. So even though he didn’t win NXT he’s already on TV. In other words winning NXT doesn’t matter.

Christian d. Brodus Clay (*)
A decent 3 minute TV win for Christian. He’s one of the best workers in the company, so he did a great job of making Clay look good. Christian ended up winning with the Tornado DDT. Post match, Del Rio attacked him and put him in the Cross Armbreaker. No Edge for the save. Maybe this could lead to Christian turning heel down the road (after WrestleMania) since he has saved Edge multiple times, but Edge hasn’t been there for him. I’m not sure if Clay will be Del Rio’s bodyguard. I don’t think ADR needs it. He’s not the chickenshit heel. He’s fine on his own and with Rodriguez interfering once in a while.

They played a part of Rock’s promo from last week to hype Cena’s “final knockout” promo. They plugged that a lot.

They aired a cool video of Sin Cara (Mistico). They showed him in the ring doing his spots on an unnamed wrestler and had music playing over it while he put his mask on. Well done. It’s expected that he’ll be on TV after WrestleMania.

They aired a video for Sunny being in the Hall of Fame. In her prime, as gorgeous as any woman in the history of wrestling. However, she didn’t accomplish that much in her career. It’s not like the Hall of Fame has any kind of legitimacy anyway. It’s nice to be reminded of that ass, at least. That’s an accomplishment! The pool cue video was my favorite. The beach one with the blue bikini was good too.

Tough Enough preview time. I have no idea where it’s airing in Canada or if it’s airing up here. I guess I’ll have to go the online route.

Eve d. Nikki Bella (1/2*)
Three minutes for this. During the match, Michael Cole got on the microphone to announce that after this was over he was going to announce who the guest ref was for his WrestleMania match. The Bellas tried to cheat, but for once a ref caught it and tossed Brie out of the ring. Eve won with her neckbreaker move. I’ve never been impressed by Eve in the ring. I don’t understand the appeal or what her gimmick is if she even has one.

The True Story of WrestleMania DVD looks great. Obviously I’ve seen all the matches on the disc, but the documentary part looks like a winner. I’m told it’s as good as any WWE documentary that there’s been. I’m looking forward to it.

The Undertaker’s on Smackdown this week. Just don’t touch him. He might get re-injured. Maybe he’ll reunite with Kane again even though Kane buried him alive.

Promo Time with Cole
Michael Cole was in the ring standing on a red carpet. He used his over the top heel comments to boast that he’d be wrestling at his first WrestleMania in the main event. That doesn’t mean he’s going on last. He did a long intro for his guest referee after teasing it might be Stone Cold Steve Austin. Instead it was John Bradshaw Layfield, who came out in a limo. I guess that’s why ADR didn’t come out in a car. JBL hugged Cole, saying they were friends and how he had watched him grow as a performer. I have missed JBL’s promos (not his in ring work), so it was good to hear him again. He’s great at drawing heat. All he had to do was sign the contract to be the ref. Instead Stone Cold’s music hit and he came out to a huge pop. He didn’t say a word. He was arguing with Cole, JBL got in the way, so Austin hit him with a Stunner. He celebrated with a beer bash. Then he picked up the paper, asked the crowd if he should sign the contract, they said “HELL YEAH” and he did, much to Cole’s dismay. Then he dumped beer on Cole’s head to earn Star of the Night honors automatically. Then as Cole walked away with a sad face he dumped more beer on him. Austin barely spoke and didn’t even plug Tough Enough, but it worked. Then he gave JBL another Stunner just for the hell of it. This was a lot of fun even at 15 minutes in length. A well done segment. When Austin hits Cole with the Stunner at WrestleMania it will draw a huge pop.

By the way, I should add that when people ask me who I think the anonymous should be I always say JBL. He’d be perfect in the role. However, I don’t know if he’d be interesting in being in WWE weekly again. He doesn’t really need the money.

Backstage, Cole told his trainer Jack Swagger that he hates Austin like he hates Lawler and Jack told him he’ll take care of Austin. Does anybody think that Jack will? No. He’s a joke. Cole walked off.

Jerry Lawler came out to a nice ovation to join Josh Mathews on commentary. It’s the weekly announcer switch again.

Daniel Bryan came out. As he did, they showed clips of Sheamus getting beat by Triple H and losing to Evan Bourne, who returned last week and wasn’t even on the show this week. That seems about right.

Daniel Bryan d. Sheamus (NR)
About a minute in, Bryan knocked Sheamus out of the ring and he hurt his ankle while on the floor. He didn’t get back in the ring before the fastest ten count in the history of wrestling. That ref was counting fast! Bryan wins via countout. Sheamus gets on the microphone to mention his losing streak for the past couple of months and says if he can’t beat Bryan for the US title next week on Raw he’ll quit. Bryan agrees. They are rumored to have a match at Mania. My guess is Bryan wins, Sheamus beats him up after the match and then they do the match at Mania. I’m not sure, though.

CM Punk was in the ring ready for his next match. Mason Ryan was with him. What a stable.

CM Punk d. R-Truth (*)
It got about 3 minutes with Punk winning clean via tapout. He worked on Truth’s shoulder and won with what they are calling the Anaconda Vice. Post match, Ryan gave him a shoulder breaker. I’m not sure if Truth is injured and they are writing him out or they just wanted to make Ryan look impressive without putting him in the ring because he’s so green. A good win for Punk. No sign of Orton post match. He’s busy plugging K-Mart, I guess.

They had another video package where Shawn Michaels talked about the Undertaker-Triple H match. He focused mainly on Triple H saying he might be the kind of guy to end the streak because he is able to show no remorse for his actions. He said he’s able to be mean, vicious and brutal. That’s the kind of guy that can end the streak, says Shawn. I liked this. It reminds me of UFC Countdown shows although those are 20-30 minute video package on a particular match. Still, this does a good job of hyping up that big match. I assume next week Shawn will talk about Undertaker. Well done.

Oh hell no, Snooki from Jersey Shore is on Raw. I dislike that show. I don’t understand the appeal. Do people that watch the show laugh at it and do the stars know they are idiots, or do they take it serious? I gave it a try. I don’t like it. And yes, WWE deserves to be ripped for having a Jersey Shore person on just like TNA did. I guess there’s a crossover appeal, but to me it’s lame. The best reality show ever would be to have a camera in a room as Vince McMahon watches a full episode of Jersey Shore. That would be great.

Vickie Guerrero was in the ring. She introduced the newest member to the Raw roster, former World Heavyweight Champion (worst reign ever) Dolph Ziggler. He was dressed in wrestling gear as the announcers hyped it as a big deal.

Dolph Ziggler d. John Morrison (*1/4)
Vickie was on commentary threatening Snooki. On paper, a great match. In reality they went to commercial 30 seconds in. Morrison had control when they returned from break. About two minutes later Ziggler capitalized on a Morrison miscue, hit the Zig Zag and won the match clean. There’s nobody else to job clean to this guy? What is Morrison doing at Mania? Right now he’s rumored in some multi-person match that has absolutely no build. Weak. Very weak. Morrison needs to be used way better than he is.

You know what match I would book at WrestleMania? A triple threat between Daniel Bryan, Kofi Kingston & John Morrison. You put both the US Title & IC Title on the line. Maybe you copy the Angle-Jericho-Benoit match from WM16 and make it a two fall match. You say “here’s 15 minutes, go have yourselves a great match.” And you give the fans a fantastic wrestling match. Is it so hard? We don’t need a story all the time. Let them wrestle. Let them show their athletic gifts. It’s better than some random tag match that means nothing.

Post match, the GM buzzed in and Lawler read the sheet of paper on the computer. Why do they cut to the camera that shows the guy reading the paper? I don’t understand. The GM says that Dolph’s on Raw, but Vickie has to win her match next week…against Trish Stratus. Note: I will have a Trishgasm next week. Be ready. Then they had security escort Vickie away. She was mad that Dolph, her business associate, didn’t help her.

They showed another part of Rock’s via satellite promo on Cena from last week.

Then they aired a clip of The Chaperone. Nobody is getting it. Sorry Hunter.

Back from break, another part of Rock’s promo. They showed four different parts.

Main Event Promo Fest
I honestly fell asleep before Cena came out. I was tired. I ended up watching it this morning. Cena did another one of his raps although this one was more PG than the last one, which was excellent. I’d say this one was just okay at best. Cena talked about The Rock calling him a Yabba Dabba Disgrace and saying that he should “just show up.” Then they had a photoshopped pic of a Shih Tzu dog. Lame. I did like the big with “I bring it via satellite” on the t-shirt. That was really good. He ended it by saying, “Don’t ever call me out again dude because that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.” Not a great ending. As soon as he was done, The Miz attacked him. He hit him in the face with the title two times. The camera adjusted a bit because apparently a fan entered the ring. They never showed the fan.

The Miz cut a promo saying that every time Cena and Rock get in a verbal spat this is what happens. That’s not really true. He did lay out Cena last week, but Cena didn’t even mention that at all. The Miz told The Rock that he’s the star of WrestleMania while Rock is only the host, so he should do his best Ryan Seacrest to host the show. Then he tells him he’s going to roll up his sunglasses, catchphrases, father & grandfather and stick them straight up his candy ass. That was a good line. He was about to do his catchphrase, Cena got up, so he put him down with the Skull Crushing Finale. Then he threw off his elbow pad and did the People’s Elbow on Cena. I bet he always dreamed of doing that move. He said “Awesome” to end the show while the announcers didn’t talk to end it.

I liked the end. It does make Miz look strong although I think the focus is still about Cena-Rock. It’s just that there’s a bit more focus on Miz now. The key thing is they need Rock to talk trash about him because if the Rock acknowledges him more than he did in the past then that elevates The Miz. They have to book him strong going forward.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Steve Austin – For what he did to Cole of course.
2. The Miz – I’m not sure if they’ll book him strong when Rock is in the building, but this worked.
3. JBL – I miss him for his promos.

6 out of 10
Last week: 4.5
2011 High Score: 9 (Jan. 3 & Feb. 14)
2011 Low Score: 4 (Jan. 10)
2011 Average: 6.05

Better show than last week. The storyline advancement was pretty solid although I thought Cena’s promo only makes him look okay when they really need him to be stronger. Trying to make Miz look tougher is a nice start. Like I said, Rock needs to address him for anybody to really take him seriously.

I like how they are building the HHH-Undertaker match. There have been no physical altercations and Michaels’ videos talking about the match only add to the build to it. Works for me.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – [email protected]
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