Nothing Bums Me Out Like Scott Walker's Instagram Feed

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is not a particularly exciting man. Instead, he is a man who enjoys cheese. A man who takes a profound pleasure in the act of drinking milk and eats two (2) ham and cheese sandwiches every day. But most importantly, the governor is a man who shares these feats on Instagram. And friend, if you're anything like me, you won't be able to look away.

You may already be familiar with some of Walker's culinary work. He seared the Nightmare Kebab Incident of 2017 into everyone's memory, and many still reel from his bold claims about what constitutes pizza. These, however, are just the moments he chooses to share on Twitter. To truly know know what it means to be Scott Walker, you must go to the source. You must see his Instagram feed.

What makes his photos so simultaneously compelling and unnerving is that, for the most part, they feature everything you expect of an Instagram account. He photographs food. He photographs "events." He photographs presumably enjoyable activities. And yet, Governor Walker insists on focusing on the least appealing part of his experience every single time.

For instance, when the governor flies, do we get a look outside the window or at a particularly interesting passenger? No. We get this:

At the gym, we get this "workout" pic:

Mirrors line the walls of every gym. I'm sure his constituents would have loved to see a photo of their sweaty governor staying fit in the Badger State. Instead, he gives them a cupholder.

The mundanity is chilling, the repetitiveness dizzying, and all of it from a former presidential candidate who ostensibly employs a staff that should know better. But rather than ignore that which scares us, let's dig deeper and embrace the madness. So please, allow me to introduce you to the great Warhol of Wisconsin, a walking "who says white people don't have culture" gag, Governor Scott Walker—a man who went to Cold Stone Creamery and ordered a cup of vanilla ice cream with absolutely no toppings, please. Thank you.

To be fair, perhaps he's being frugal. He is, after all, known for his love of brown bag lunches and his distaste for any sort of livable minimum wage. The media covered the latter quite thoroughly, but how can we be sure about the former? Because the governor tells us every chance he gets.

Are you beginning to notice a theme?

The theme is "please god why." Anything you'd like to add, governor?

Please note that the bag shown above does not actually contain Scott Walker's typical lunch of two ham and cheese sandwiches and a bottle of cranberry juice. This is because it's stock art. Walker—a person who presumably keeps hundreds if not thousands of framed photographs of his lunches lovingly arranged in his basement—decided to google something along the lines of "brown bag lunch," save it, and upload it to Instagram.

Absolutely harrowing. And that's not even all of them.

Don't be fooled by the monotony of the governor's daily lunch, though. His tastes are as vast and varied as a man who's considered venturing over to the "international" section at the state fair before thinking better of it. Because occasionally, instead of cranberry juice, Scott Walker drinks milk.

That's just lunch, though. And while the governor's tastes may be bland and his opinions repellant, he's still just your average social media user uploading artfully crafted photographs of his meals to Instagram.

Occasionally, he will even include the food in the photo. This does not help.

And just like every fun-loving, milk-guzzling dude, Governor Walker loves a good selfie (taken in the vicinity of men dressed as cartoon sausages).

It's worth noting that Walker has, in fact, uploaded that last photo twice, with one commenter noting "No. Please."

The most annoying and unremarkable parts of an experience, poorly packaged and presented as though it were some sort of gift. This is apparently how Scott Walker views the world. And thanks to Instagram, we can all get a taste of that dreary, milk-filled purgatory ourselves.

Clear History is WIRED’s occasional deep dives into the lesser-known internet lives of the rich and powerful. Think you found someone's online identity? Let us know here.